“Your nose looks terrible in that picture. Your legs look gross. You are not a good mom. You are lazy for not working out!”

Are these lines from that movie about the bullies, Mean Girls? Nope. These are things I have said… to myself.

If those words would have come from anyone else, especially my husband, you better believe there would be some big ole hurt feelings and possibly some petty retaliation.

But what do I do when the words come from myself? I often hand the critical voice a mic.  

Negative self-talk is a beast sometimes, especially if left untamed.

Changing Negative Self-Talk Takes Practice

My family’s new puppy, despite his ridiculous cuteness, can be a stinky, monster ball of fur. I keep reminding myself that he needs to learn how to behave which requires time and practice!

Similarly, us larger, less furry creatures need practice to learn new skills too! A common misbelief among Christians is that we can quickly cut out negative behaviors, give them to God, and be-bop right along. Unfortunately, giving something to God doesn’t mean it magically goes away. Learning from God requires devotion, patience, and yes, practice.

My youngest daughter who is now 7 loves basketball, but practice, not so much. As her parent, I find myself sounding like a cliché, broken record: “Practice is hard, but it’s worth it because it’s teaching you to be better and more disciplined!” I sometimes want to roll my eyes at myself even though the words are true. Keeping sight of the end-goal and knowing the “why” makes skill training worth it. So, before we get into the skill-training of how to stop negative self-talk, let’s dig in to the “why”. 

I’d guess there are a lot of “to-do’s” and “should-do’s” running through your mind often. Specifically, regarding health, there’s pressure to eat your veggies, walk more, lift weights, do cardio, and stretch often. Tack on spiritual disciplines, relational expectations, job duties, and routine chores, and life can feel like a million responsibilities screaming for your attention.

Do you ever want to sit down face to face with Jesus and say, “What is the most important thing you want me to focus on?!”

Well, lucky for us, someone already asked him that.

In Matthew 22:36, a fella that probably thought he had the list of “to-do’s” solidly nailed down, tested Jesus with the question, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

(Here’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for… )

In verse 37 “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

WHOA. Jesus summed up hundreds of years’ worth of commandments with two expectations: Love God and love others.

Do you think that religious expert went home and did some deep pondering? I hope so! It’s easy to gloss over that familiar passage, but if we really apply it, the game is completely changed!

All the expectations we place on ourselves can be filtered through these two commands.

“Is (fill in the blank) helping me love God and others well?”

Let’s connect this to our topic: negative self-talk.

A question to start with (minus shame) is, “Does negative self-talk block the mission of loving God and others?”

Considering the enemy’s perspective, of course, negative self-talk distracts us from our purpose! What better way to do that than to attack the home base?

When I’m really down on myself for how I look or where I fall short, my sight fixates mostly on me and frankly, much less on God. I might even become resentful towards God.

Have you ever driven a car that turned out to be total junk? Who is to blame for the car’s problems? Well, it’s possible that the driver contributes to the car’s malfunction (don’t ask my husband how I know that), but mostly, we’d place blame on the car’s creator, right?

Similarly, a constant negative, discontented view of oneself reflects a misbelief that maybe, the Creator didn’t get things quite right with the “model”.

What a win for the enemy if we doubt ourselves and question God! Oh, and let’s not forget the other bonus for the enemy. Trash talking myself can make me feel envious and bitter towards others in a hot second! The whole “loving others like myself” doesn’t work too well if I’m not loving myself, does it?

But enough with the problem! The enemy, Satan, has already been defeated, and we’re on the winning team. Let’s explore how God equips us to succeed in this battle.

We were made for good works (Ephesians 2:10) so let’s squash this distraction and get busy doing just that!

How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk:

Remove the Weeds: Identify the Lies

I’m a sucker for gardening analogies. I recently wrote a book called “Good to Grow” which is centered around flourishing in the fruit of the Spirit and embracing an abundant life in your good body. As in the book, I think it’s important to examine the soil of our hearts, especially when struggling with a particular issue, like negative self-talk.

Are there weeds in the soil of my heart blocking the love and truth of God from getting in?

Negative thoughts about ourselves often stem from lies that root into our hearts. Fortunately for Christians, we have a weapon that’s even stronger against lies than Roundup is against weeds.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says,

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Lies and deceptive beliefs don’t stand a chance when placed on trial before the Son of the most high God.

Practically how do we do that? Can we reach up in our brain, pull out the thoughts, and lock them up in a cage? I wish, but nope. However, God has given us tools like His word, journaling, praying, and reaching out to others, especially other Christians, to help us expose and remove lies in our heart.  

Nourish the Soil: Receive Care and Truth

After weeds are removed from soil, baby plants need care and nourishment to grow. Likewise, so do we when growing with the Lord.

One area of nourishment we all consistently need is emotional care. Underneath negative self-talk there are feelings. For example, if I’m telling myself that I’m lazy and terrible for not working out enough, I might be feeling guilty, weak, and ashamed. Those feelings aren’t facts, but they still deserve to be acknowledged and perhaps dealt with. Unresolved pain can continue to linger but receiving care for the pain allows movement forward. The ultimate healer, Christ, is always willing to help.

“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-8

Laying our problems down at the heart of Christ, opens up space for us to receive God’s truths about our worth.

Verses with truth to remind you of your worth:

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31

If you are a hands-on verse memorizer, check out these 7 day Bible Body-Image Breakthrough cards with options to color, write, pray, and memorize.

If you need help with negative talk concerning food or movement you can also download and print our Joyful Health Scripture Cards for free.

Prune the Branches: Cut Off the Unnecessary 

I hope you are feeling ready to start attacking negative self-talk. However, before you go slay the dragons, there’s a little more skill-training to discuss.

This isn’t a particularly enjoyable training skill but one that is necessary to the growth process! John 15 teaches that cutting off unnecessary branches provides a much more abundant harvest. (See John 15:2)

Though it may feel harsh, spiritual pruning, the kind that comes from the Lord with grace and love, is for prosperity, not punishment.

The next time, that critical, nit-picky voice pops up in your head, take it before God and evaluate it through kingdom eyes. Could it be that there’s something God is leading you towards cutting off?

Have you been criticizing yourself for your lack of patience with your body? Perhaps God is leading you towards cutting off misguided expectations.

Are you ashamed to exercise around others because you think you’re too weak and uncoordinated? Maybe God is leading you towards cutting off pride. (Ouch! I know that’s a hard one)

With the grace and love of God, examine the facts: are there “branches” getting in the way that need to be removed so that you can be more fruitful for the kingdom of God?

The end goal is never perfection but always an obedient heart focused on loving God and others.  

Protect the Fruit: Guard Your Heart

Do you ever grow plants from seed? I try but often put the baby plant outside before it’s strong enough to handle all the elements of nature. Plants need adequate protection to grow strong and produce fruit.

Likewise, for our thought life to thrive and be obedient to the Lord, we need to protect it. It’s easier to prevent “weeds” than to uproot them.

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

How to protect your heart and thoughts:

Starting with the obvious, social media is often a slippery slope for me. If I spend too much time looking at filtered, gorgeous faces of women who run marathons and make gourmet kale smoothies, my thoughts become crowded with insufficiency and jealousy. Do those areas affect you? If so, could limiting your time or who you follow on social media help?

If those aren’t obstacles for your thought life, consider books, TV, music, and even relationships. Is there a person in your life that speaks critically of herself and others? An honest discussion with her about how it affects you could be helpful.

Everyone is different and only you know what affects your thought life. Prayerfully consider what boundaries God wants you to set to protect yourself. As the saying goes, “goodness in = goodness out”.

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2

Partake of the Fruit: Activate God’s Spirit

Do you love the taste of a freshly picked strawberry or a juicy watermelon on a hot summer day? God is so good to give us such amazing treats! But best of all, God has given believers His Spirit which dwells in us and exudes the richest fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These fruits are not just for observing but for partaking and enjoying for others AND for our own good. The attributes of God’s spirit are how we ultimately become able to speak to ourselves the way God would. The next time the enemy convinces you that you are unworthy, I pray you may receive abundantly God’s love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control. God says you’re worth it!

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Read More About Biblical Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk in its Tracks and Hear from God

Read more in Amanda's book: Good to Grow.